A thrilling video update....

Finding encouragement and lessons on trust in the Psalms of David

I love the book of Psalms.  At the risk of being cliche, I'd say it's one of my favorite books of the Bible.  I find the book so encouraging because David is so real and vulnerable within his Psalms.   David was called a man after God's own heart, yet he is seen within the psalms as a man who also stumbles and fails....the man committed adultery and premeditated murder, for crying out loud.  What's more, the psalms reveal that David is not only a man after God's own heart and a sinful man, he was also, at times, both hurt and angry, both discouraged and despairing.  Within the Psalms, David's heart and soul is poured out for the reader to see.  He has many psalms praising the greatness of God and the wonders of God's love and sovereignty.  But he also has psalms where he cries out to God, asking Him why He has left him, why He has forsaken him, why He isn't doing what David thinks he needs God to do for him.  He has psalms of anger and indignation at God and the suffering that God has allowed him to go through.  He has psalms where he laments the suffering he has had to endure, psalms where David is feeling sorry for himself, crying out, woe is me.  The psalms are so raw and vulnerable, so real and personal.  In anger, David asks God to kill his enemies, to destroy them.  In anger, David yells at God, asking Him why He isn't doing what David feels He should be doing.  In great sadness and agony, David cries out to God, lamenting the hurts that have been inflicted upon his heart.  This man, who loved and trusted the Lord, who was named the man after God's own heart, a godly man, has doubts, anger, and anguish.  He doesn't walk around with a smile pasted on his face, acting like one must be happy all time time in order to be trusting the Lord.  Instead, he allows himself to experience and feel emotions other than happiness.  To me, this is such an encouragement.  It speaks assurance to me that trusting God does not mean you have to always be happy and it does not mean you can't be upset, angry, sad, or doubting.  David cries out in Psalm 22, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?  Why are you so far from helping me, from the words of my groaning?  O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer; and by night, but find no rest.".  He feels abandoned, forsaken by the God he has believed in.  Yet even in the midst of David's anguish, his anger, and his doubts that are seen within the book of Psalms, many of David's laments and psalms of anger and doubts end with him stating, I know God is still great, He is still good, He is still sovereign. In Psalm 22, after accusing God of forsaking him, David then follows with, "Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel.  In you our ancestors trusted; they trusted, and you delivered them. To you they cried, and were saved; in you they trusted, and were not put to shame.".  He feels forsaken by his God, he feels angry, hurt, betrayed, and he lets God know he is not happy....yet he also knows that regardless of how it seems, regardless of how he feels, God is still holy.  It may feel like God has forsaken him but God has not, God is faithful and delivered and rescued Israel in times past.  In Psalm 13, David cries out, 'How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?  How long will you hide your face from me?  How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all day long? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?"  But then he ends his words with "But I trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.".  David experiences the emotions of anger, anguish, and doubt, many times he feels forgotten, forsaken, abandoned by God....but he also holds to the knowledge he has that, despite his feelings, despite how things look and feel, God has not forsaken him, God has not forgotten him, God has not really abandoned him, God is still good, sovereign and full of love and mercy.  Trust does not mean never having doubts.  Trust does not mean never being upset or angry.  Trust does not mean you fake happiness.  Trust is knowing that God has not, nor will He ever, forsake you or abandon you, even though there are times when it feels like He has.  Trust is knowing that God has your best interest at heart and that His way is best, even though it feels like He is doing it all wrong (or even doing nothing) and that you have a better way to do things.  It is in the psalms of King David, a man after God's own heart, a man who struggled with sin just like me and you, a man who experienced doubts, anger, anguish, suffering, a man who often felt as though God wasn't doing what He should be doing, a man who sometimes felt like God has forsaken him, that I find what trusting God really means.  It is in the rawness of the psalms of David that I find encouragement. 

Saying goodbye. . .

Last Friday, we had a day long debrief session, to prepare us all for returning to the states.  As I sat there looking around the room, some of us sprawled out across the floor, some standing, some sitting in chairs, all chattering together, I was hit by a wave of overwhelming sadness.  It was the last time we'd be gathered together in that classroom. We have walked through this semester together.  We have supported each other through out the past three and a half months.  We have been each others family unit.  For this semester, we shared each others lives, we walked side by side, we struggled together and grew together.  Never again will we share this space together.  In fact, we will probably never again all gather together.  But for these three and a half months in Australia, we have walked through life together.  I will miss every single one of these faces...every single one of these lives that I got to share a space with this semester.  I have grown close to many of these people.  They have become close friends, who I treasure and cherish.  And I ache at the thought of saying goodbye to these new friends. 

They told me that I may leave a piece of my heart behind in Australia after I come.  But they never told me that pieces of my heart would also be scattered across the many states of America as well.  My heart has now been split in to so many pieces...pieces that will be scattered throughout Australia, New Zealand, and the States.  I have never been good with goodbyes.  Perhaps it is because I become so attached to things...perhaps it is because I love so deeply.  I become attached to people, places, even material things.  My mother calls me a pack rat, because I refuse to get rid of things.  I hold on to things because I have placed sentimental value to them.  I latch on to places and they become places of deep happiness.  I make homes out of people, I wrap my fingers around them so tightly, never wanting to let go, holding on to friendships even after they have been deemed as unhealthy, because I cannot stop loving them, I cannot say goodbye to them.  Me and goodbyes have always battled.  Goodbyes rip my heart to shreds...and now I have to say so many goodbyes all at once.  I must say goodbye to Brisbane, which has been my home for the past semester.  I must say goodbye to all of my favorite city spots.  I must say goodbye to Australia, which has captured my heart and taught me so many things in the span of three and a half months.  I must say goodbye to the lecturers who have poured themselves into me this past semester.  I must say goodbye to the friends that I have made...the friends who have supported me and loved me and cared for me and been there for me for the past three and a half months...the friends whom I have grown with and struggled along side. 

Since Friday, there have been so many lasts.  Last week was the last coffee date with Heidi.  Before that, I had my last coffee date with Chris K.  I will miss those sweet times of deep conversation and friendship.  There was my last trip to the beach.  My last trip to Southbank.  My last trip to Queens street.  My last time riding public transportation.  This is probably my last time blogging in Australia. 

Still to come is my last evening with my Aussie family....that one will break my heart.  My last night in my Aussie bedroom.  My last day with my ASC family.  My last breath of Australian air.  My last sight of Australia. 


I will miss coming home from school and being greeted by Jack, who comes charging over to the top of the stairs, entire body wriggling with excitement at my presence.  I will miss plodding upstairs on nights when I'm overwhelmed by homework and stressed out, and cuddling with Jack to feel better.  I will miss my Aussie mum's delicious cooking.  I will miss my host dad's horrible puns which he thinks are absolutely hilarious (he's usually the only one laughing at them).  I will miss the city lights of Brisbane, each sign a different colour of dazzling brilliance.  I will miss my walks to school.  A small part of me will even miss the public transportation.  I will miss sitting in the living room with my Aussie family, watching Top Gear together.  I will miss getting tea at Bean and pretending to do homework while there.  I am excited to be reunited with my friends and family back home, to be back in my California, and to enjoy the holiday season with my family and friends.  But the excitement and joy of returning home is combined with a heavyhearted sadness at what I am leaving behind in Australia.

I will miss almost everything about my time here in Australia.  Except for maybe the sausages....if I never eat another sausage again, it will be too soon.

The dark parts. . . .

The past few weeks have been rough.  Real rough.  I have spent the majority of my days lying in bed, watching Netflix, eating chocolate and gummy worms, depressed and homesick.  All I've wanted to do is sleep all the time.  Since getting back to Brisbane after spring break, I have been completely and utterly homesick.  I have lost all motivation to do homework.  I have lost all motivation to do much of anything, besides sleep, lay in bed, and watch an unhealthy amount of Netflix.  I have weird dreams every night.  My assignments have suffered.  The inside of my head has been dark...so very dark.  Emotionally, mentally, and physically, I am unwell.  Ever fiber of my body aches.  My muscles hurt.  My body is exhausted.  Emotionally, I am a wreck.  Mentally, I'm unstable.  I cannot seem to work up the motivation to do my homework or to care about my grades (which is something I've always cared about before).  All that I can focus on or think about is how much I want to be home. I miss my home.  I miss my family.  I miss my friends.  I want to hug my mom.  I want to be wrapped up in my dad's arms.  I want to see my sisters and brothers, to talk to them, to laugh with them, to hug them all. To be sure, Australia is wonderful and I have enjoyed it immensely.  I don't take such an opportunity as this lightly and I am so grateful that I was able to spend this semester studying in Australia.  I have learned so much during my time here and have grown and changed so much as well.  I am not the same person I was three months ago.  The Lord has taught me so much.  If I were to go back in time, I would still choose to study abroad in Australia.  However, I am so ready to be back home.  I guess this time has shown me that, at this point in my life, living overseas is not for me.  I was planning on going overseas once I graduate, so this has been a good test to see how I handle it (not very well, obviously.  Four months is long enough).

Yesterday, I went to the CHC Beach Day with some lovely people from CHC and enjoyed a relaxing day while putting off doing homework for one more day. Today, I finally forced myself to write an essay that is due next week.  I've been putting it off for days.  I also managed to find the energy to clean my room, do laundry, wash my bed sheets, vacuum my bedroom and bathroom, and clean the kitchen (although that was just me procrastinating and putting off the essay, but still).  I am struggling but I am hanging in there.  I know that I can make it through the next three weeks till I return home.  And I know I will desperately miss Australia and the relationships and friendships that I have built with people here once I am gone.  So I'm trying my hardest to hang on and enjoy my last few weeks here, despite how homesick I am.  Prayers are vastly appreciated, as I attempt to finish this semester out over the next three weeks. 

Land of the Hobbits and Penguins - Spring Break 2016 (round two)

Last week was spring break, which seems so weird to say, considering it's October and to me, October is not spring.  It was such a wonderful and magical time!  I traveled to Auckland, New Zealand and Melbourne in Australia with Paige and Oksana and we had a blast!  It is so surreal to me that I have now lived for over three months in Australia and I have also traveled to New Zealand!  New Zealand was so beautiful and I could not get over how green and lush everything was!  We had an encounter with a herd of cows, I tried to climb up a rock and fell on my back, we got to experience Waitomo glowworm caves, and a natural hot springs stream.  The glowworm caves were so amazing.  We got to walk around in this really cool cave before getting on a small boat and drifting along a river inside the cave, gazing up at the caves walls and ceiling that was covered with glowworms.  We weren't allowed to take pictures inside the cave, which was sad, however we got some pictures just outside the cave, by the river.  The natural hot springs/stream was equally cool.  We donned our bathing suits and hopped in for a nice warm soak.  It was like natures spa!  

Melbourne was equally beautiful although quite different.  The city is glorious and grand.  We got to go to St. Kilda beach, which was beautiful, enjoyed a gorgeous sunset, and got to walk onto the pier where there were penguins!  They were so freaking cute!  I have decided I need one.  Also, had no idea until we were there that Australia even had penguins.  Apparently they are the smallest of the penguin species. 

The greatest adventure while on break was simply driving a rental car...it is an odd experience driving a car on the left side of the road.  Once I got the hang of it, it was rather simple, at least in New Zealand.  However, in Melbourne, where it is a much bigger city, it was a bit stressful and difficult and nerve wracking.  The traffic laws are bizarre (you use the left lane to turn right....like, who does that?!) and the drivers in Melbourne are rather aggressive and down right rude.  However, we all survived my driving and nobody died, so I call that a success!  

As magical and wonderful as Spring Break was, I feel like I need a vacation from my vacation.  I am thoroughly worn out from all the traveling and sight seeing that we did in both Auckland and Melbourne.  I also am extremely ready to go home.  Something about spring break drove home to me how ready I am to return to my family back home.  Maybe it's because I'm not used to vacations that don't include my family. Maybe it's because I have so much to tell them about and share with them.  Maybe it's because the break was so wonderful and it made me want to return home so I can tell them all about it.  Or maybe it's just because it's been three months since I have been able to hug them. Either way, during the break I couldn't stop thinking about how, when the break ended, I wanted to be able to fly home, rather than return back to school for another month.  But that is a tale for another blog post.

There's an alleyway street (Hosier Lane) in Melbourne that has amazing street art!

 

These massive and delicious shakes were from a place called Johnny Pump's. 

Cute little family!

Penguin!

Melbourne

 

 

 

I got to vacation with these cuties!

 

Our ride while in New Zealand!

gorgeous beach in New Zealand

This tree was super cool.  I love trees!

This are delicious...highly recommend!

New Zealand sheep

We ate at this absolutely amazing Turkish restaurant...it was so good!