Last Friday, we had a day long debrief session, to prepare us all for returning to the states. As I sat there looking around the room, some of us sprawled out across the floor, some standing, some sitting in chairs, all chattering together, I was hit by a wave of overwhelming sadness. It was the last time we'd be gathered together in that classroom. We have walked through this semester together. We have supported each other through out the past three and a half months. We have been each others family unit. For this semester, we shared each others lives, we walked side by side, we struggled together and grew together. Never again will we share this space together. In fact, we will probably never again all gather together. But for these three and a half months in Australia, we have walked through life together. I will miss every single one of these faces...every single one of these lives that I got to share a space with this semester. I have grown close to many of these people. They have become close friends, who I treasure and cherish. And I ache at the thought of saying goodbye to these new friends.
They told me that I may leave a piece of my heart behind in Australia after I come. But they never told me that pieces of my heart would also be scattered across the many states of America as well. My heart has now been split in to so many pieces...pieces that will be scattered throughout Australia, New Zealand, and the States. I have never been good with goodbyes. Perhaps it is because I become so attached to things...perhaps it is because I love so deeply. I become attached to people, places, even material things. My mother calls me a pack rat, because I refuse to get rid of things. I hold on to things because I have placed sentimental value to them. I latch on to places and they become places of deep happiness. I make homes out of people, I wrap my fingers around them so tightly, never wanting to let go, holding on to friendships even after they have been deemed as unhealthy, because I cannot stop loving them, I cannot say goodbye to them. Me and goodbyes have always battled. Goodbyes rip my heart to shreds...and now I have to say so many goodbyes all at once. I must say goodbye to Brisbane, which has been my home for the past semester. I must say goodbye to all of my favorite city spots. I must say goodbye to Australia, which has captured my heart and taught me so many things in the span of three and a half months. I must say goodbye to the lecturers who have poured themselves into me this past semester. I must say goodbye to the friends that I have made...the friends who have supported me and loved me and cared for me and been there for me for the past three and a half months...the friends whom I have grown with and struggled along side.
Since Friday, there have been so many lasts. Last week was the last coffee date with Heidi. Before that, I had my last coffee date with Chris K. I will miss those sweet times of deep conversation and friendship. There was my last trip to the beach. My last trip to Southbank. My last trip to Queens street. My last time riding public transportation. This is probably my last time blogging in Australia.
Still to come is my last evening with my Aussie family....that one will break my heart. My last night in my Aussie bedroom. My last day with my ASC family. My last breath of Australian air. My last sight of Australia.
I will miss coming home from school and being greeted by Jack, who comes charging over to the top of the stairs, entire body wriggling with excitement at my presence. I will miss plodding upstairs on nights when I'm overwhelmed by homework and stressed out, and cuddling with Jack to feel better. I will miss my Aussie mum's delicious cooking. I will miss my host dad's horrible puns which he thinks are absolutely hilarious (he's usually the only one laughing at them). I will miss the city lights of Brisbane, each sign a different colour of dazzling brilliance. I will miss my walks to school. A small part of me will even miss the public transportation. I will miss sitting in the living room with my Aussie family, watching Top Gear together. I will miss getting tea at Bean and pretending to do homework while there. I am excited to be reunited with my friends and family back home, to be back in my California, and to enjoy the holiday season with my family and friends. But the excitement and joy of returning home is combined with a heavyhearted sadness at what I am leaving behind in Australia.
I will miss almost everything about my time here in Australia. Except for maybe the sausages....if I never eat another sausage again, it will be too soon.
