Sometimes I write things....

Someday you are going to love a boy
more than you ever thought physically possible.
And someday, that boy may break your heart
and you will hurt
more than you thought was physically possible.
He will walk away and you will feel
As though you will never love again,
you will never again experience such a love,
that you will never again be whole.
But I am here to tell you that you will.
It may take time,
it may take a long time,
it may even take years.
It won't happen all at once.
Yet, slowly, surely, your heart will mold back together
and his finger prints will fade away until,
one day, your heart will be a completely new heart,
One free of traces of him.
You will find that you are whole, all on your own and when you hear his name,
Your heart no longer quivers in pain.
You are strong, strong on your own.
You have put yourself back together
And you no longer need him to hold yourself up, you hold yourself up all on your own.
You will discover that your heart
is beating once more on it's own
and you do not need him to soar through the air.
You will realize you do not need him
to see the world in color.
You will find that you can love again
And you will,
You will love again.
You will love someone
And they will love you back.
They will not make you whole,
you will not make them whole,
but you will love each other all the more for that.

A thrilling video update....

Finding encouragement and lessons on trust in the Psalms of David

I love the book of Psalms.  At the risk of being cliche, I'd say it's one of my favorite books of the Bible.  I find the book so encouraging because David is so real and vulnerable within his Psalms.   David was called a man after God's own heart, yet he is seen within the psalms as a man who also stumbles and fails....the man committed adultery and premeditated murder, for crying out loud.  What's more, the psalms reveal that David is not only a man after God's own heart and a sinful man, he was also, at times, both hurt and angry, both discouraged and despairing.  Within the Psalms, David's heart and soul is poured out for the reader to see.  He has many psalms praising the greatness of God and the wonders of God's love and sovereignty.  But he also has psalms where he cries out to God, asking Him why He has left him, why He has forsaken him, why He isn't doing what David thinks he needs God to do for him.  He has psalms of anger and indignation at God and the suffering that God has allowed him to go through.  He has psalms where he laments the suffering he has had to endure, psalms where David is feeling sorry for himself, crying out, woe is me.  The psalms are so raw and vulnerable, so real and personal.  In anger, David asks God to kill his enemies, to destroy them.  In anger, David yells at God, asking Him why He isn't doing what David feels He should be doing.  In great sadness and agony, David cries out to God, lamenting the hurts that have been inflicted upon his heart.  This man, who loved and trusted the Lord, who was named the man after God's own heart, a godly man, has doubts, anger, and anguish.  He doesn't walk around with a smile pasted on his face, acting like one must be happy all time time in order to be trusting the Lord.  Instead, he allows himself to experience and feel emotions other than happiness.  To me, this is such an encouragement.  It speaks assurance to me that trusting God does not mean you have to always be happy and it does not mean you can't be upset, angry, sad, or doubting.  David cries out in Psalm 22, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?  Why are you so far from helping me, from the words of my groaning?  O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer; and by night, but find no rest.".  He feels abandoned, forsaken by the God he has believed in.  Yet even in the midst of David's anguish, his anger, and his doubts that are seen within the book of Psalms, many of David's laments and psalms of anger and doubts end with him stating, I know God is still great, He is still good, He is still sovereign. In Psalm 22, after accusing God of forsaking him, David then follows with, "Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel.  In you our ancestors trusted; they trusted, and you delivered them. To you they cried, and were saved; in you they trusted, and were not put to shame.".  He feels forsaken by his God, he feels angry, hurt, betrayed, and he lets God know he is not happy....yet he also knows that regardless of how it seems, regardless of how he feels, God is still holy.  It may feel like God has forsaken him but God has not, God is faithful and delivered and rescued Israel in times past.  In Psalm 13, David cries out, 'How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?  How long will you hide your face from me?  How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all day long? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?"  But then he ends his words with "But I trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.".  David experiences the emotions of anger, anguish, and doubt, many times he feels forgotten, forsaken, abandoned by God....but he also holds to the knowledge he has that, despite his feelings, despite how things look and feel, God has not forsaken him, God has not forgotten him, God has not really abandoned him, God is still good, sovereign and full of love and mercy.  Trust does not mean never having doubts.  Trust does not mean never being upset or angry.  Trust does not mean you fake happiness.  Trust is knowing that God has not, nor will He ever, forsake you or abandon you, even though there are times when it feels like He has.  Trust is knowing that God has your best interest at heart and that His way is best, even though it feels like He is doing it all wrong (or even doing nothing) and that you have a better way to do things.  It is in the psalms of King David, a man after God's own heart, a man who struggled with sin just like me and you, a man who experienced doubts, anger, anguish, suffering, a man who often felt as though God wasn't doing what He should be doing, a man who sometimes felt like God has forsaken him, that I find what trusting God really means.  It is in the rawness of the psalms of David that I find encouragement.