Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Treasured moments in the Land Down Under

While the last few weeks have found me extremely homesick and coping with elements of  'culture shock', there has still been rays of light and joy found within each and every day.  Every day reminds me of how blessed I am to have been placed with the host family that I am with for this semester.  Each day, there are moments that warm my heart and causes me to smile with thankfulness.  Moments such as curling up in the living room while my host mom reads out loud from her poetry boo and watching the Olympics every evening with my host family and exchanging teasing banter with my host brother about Michael Phelps; moments such as spending almost every evening watching Top Gear with my family and sitting in the kitchen talking with my host mum as she cooks dinner; moments such as evening walks with the family and Jack the dog and afternoons spent with friends at a coffee shop, drinking Chai tea and laughing together; moments such as days spent exploring the city with a friend and evenings spent watching rugby games.



Today, I sat in the kitchen while my Aussie mum cooked dinner and explained to me the game of Cricket (which, let me just say, is a complicated game.  Like...blimey! And as a side note, this weekend, I will get to go to Carter's (my host brother) championship Cricket game, which I'm looking forward to!). We then proceeded to discuss differences between American and Australian culture.  The other day, I raided her library and borrowed one of her books.  Last Friday night, we all watched a movie together as a family.  There are no words to explain how grateful I am for my Aussie family and for the sweet moments I get to have and experience with them.  Each member of the family is extraordinary in their own way.  I have been struggling each day with different things but each day has had moments that I treasure, with friends and with family. 

Saturday, August 20, 2016

The Nitty Gritty Parts....

I know I've been raving about Australia.  But this post is not about the splendors of Australia.  This is a post about the nitty gritty things that people don't like to talk about.  This isn't a post complaining about Australia, for my heart is still very much in love with this country and the city of Brisbane.  This is, however, a post about the the less sunny aspects of my time here in the Land of Oz.

This is a post telling the world that I have spent this entire past week in a cloud of darkness.  I am overwhelmed with homesickness.  I do not miss my country of America.  I do not miss anything about America.  What I do miss is my family and my friends. A few weekends ago, I had a long phone call with my friend Rachel back home.  After our conversation ended, I spiraled into a pit of homesickness and spent the afternoon feverishly cleaning the house, trying to take my mind off of my sadness.  I avoid long, in depth phone calls and video chats with my family back home because each time we talk and I see them, the ache inside my chest grows.  When my four year old baby sister asks me when I'm coming home and says she misses me, it kills me and I feel my heart falling out of my chest.  She learned how to ride her bike while I've been away..and I haven't been there to watch her and celebrate the achievement with her. My older brother and youngest brother both celebrated their birthdays this month...and I wasn't there to join in the celebration.  My sister starts a new semester of school this month...and I am not there to cheer her on.  I miss all of my friends back home... I love my host family and I love all the other ASC students and consider them all friends.....but it is not the same.  That is partly my fault, because I am terrible at making friends.  However, it is difficult for me because I miss the deep relationships that I have built back home.  And some days, I just miss having friends in general....I miss having people to hang out with all the time.  Despite having wonderful people around me, I often feel quite lonely.  It doesn't help that physical touch is my love language and without physical contact with people, I literally will feel physically ill.  I can't explain it, all I know is that I need physical contact with people and when I go long periods without, I struggle.  Not having close relationships here in Australia, physical contact is not really a thing....and so the dark cloud grows.

I have been fighting back, attempting to combat this dark cloud and keep from going under completely by staying somewhat busy.  But it is not always easy....and this weekend has pushed me to my limits. People don't like to talk about the nitty gritty things.  They don't like to talk about how they spent their day off of school, laying in bed, stuffing their face with food, candy, and ice cream, watching Netflix, and crying.....all. day. long.  They don't like to talk about how they spent the majority of their weekend laying in bed like a smelly whale, mulling around in their misery.  They don't like to talk about how they spent their Sunday in bed, sobbing like a child, pacing around their room, trying to figure out how to run away from it all.  But that is my reality this weekend.  The Nitty Gritty of life is a reality...for everyone.  (I must say, I've gone through a lot of movies on Australian Netflix this month....and I've probably come close to overdosing on tea).  I wish that life would only throw one heartache at me at a time...but I feel like I'm drowning in various heartbreaks all at the same time right now.  On top of my homesickness and loneliness and managing my depression and learning overwhelmingly painful history of Australia and people in Australia....the heartache of betrayal and drama back home came rolling into me today.  I have cried harder today than I have in a long time, which was probably due to a combination of all these emotions that have been swirling around inside of me all week.  But today's news was the final blow....and it was a mighty painful blow.  I am tired.  My heart is shattered.  And I honestly don't know how to go on anymore.  I know that God is working in the midst of this....and I know He is walking with me through this....but right now, all I feel is hurt.  I'm an emotional basketcase.  My heart is aching and I don't know what the point is of trying anymore.  That is the reality of where I am at right now.  That is the nitty gritty of my life right now.  But that's okay, because that is life.

Do I still love Australia?  Yes.  My heart is attached and probably always will be to this beautiful country and the people who live here.  But, currently, I don't want to be here....I am ready to run away from this place....but to where, I don't know.  The nitty gritty parts of life don't go away while you are trying to enjoy a new and exciting place.  No, life doesn't wait for you to get back on your feet...life doesn't wait on you.  So right now, I am on the ground, in the fetal position.  Right now, I'm in a dark cloud.  Right now, I am hurting.  But...deep down, I know that it won't be like this for forever.  Deep down, I know that God is there.  That is what keeps me going right now....and eventually I'll slowly raise my head up from off the ground and slowly rise onto my hands and feet.  And then I'll keep crawling forward until I can stand back up.  And when I can finally stand back up, I'll keep walking forward with my head held high....because God heals and restores broken vessels and He makes beautiful things out of broken people and He is forever faithful to His people.

I'm just not there yet... 

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Life in the land of Oz

 If there's one thing Australia has taught me in the past two weeks, it's how horribly out of shape I am.  There's a lot more walking that takes place in Australia.  If I don't return to the States with a trim and fit body, I will be quite displeased...I don't wanna puff up these hills here in the land down under for nothing!

The past two weeks have made it clear to me that I was born to be an Aussie.  I think the stork made a mistake when he dropped me off in the states.  Okay, probably not, because let's be honest, I also am very much in love with California.  But, Australia is amazing and I'm in love.   Last weekend, I explored South Bank with some lovely friends, got to experience a noodle festival that was going on there, and got to see some amazing and beautiful sights.  The city of Brisbane at night is breathtaking. I also got to attend a BBQ with my host family with some of their family friends last weekend which I thoroughly enjoyed.  The family friends had a two year old daughter, so I was instantly at ease.  Children can instantly take away any sadness or discomfort or awkwardness for me...they just make my heart so happy and light.  I'm not gonna lie, when her mum took her to put her to bed, I was rather sad.  I loved talking with all the adults after the little one went to bed though and simply listening and learning more about Australia.  Fun fact, Australia doesn't have a tipping system like in the States...and waitresses and waiters make good money here.  I also learned all sorts of other great things but I can't tell because I was told what happened and what was discussed in that house, stayed in that house.  ;) But I can tell you that they are fun and great people.  The rest of my weekend was rather chill.  I watched movies, did homework (okay, that's a lie, I didn't really do much homework...) and hung out around the house.  I went to church with my Aussie mum and brother on Sunday morning which I thoroughly enjoyed. 




This Farris Wheel is in South Bank.  It's really big and awesome.
Tuesday evening, I went with a group of other ASC Study Abroad students to Mark's house for dessert night.  Mark is the Student Services Coordinator at Christian Heritage College and works with the ASC study abroad program.  He's also pretty bomb-diggity.  His last name is also Jessop which is pretty much basically the same name as my college back in the States (William Jessup University, woot, woot, represent!) so, that makes him ten times cooler.  Anyways, I digress.  Dessert night was lots of fun.  I had a bit of trouble with catching the public transportation bus to his house....meaning I missed it.  The buses are the only complaint I have about Australia...and that's just because I haven't quite mastered them yet, although I'm getting better.  Anyways, I missed the bus and was so annoyed and didn't want to deal with buses cause I hate them and was so frustrated, mainly with myself and my incompetency to get the hang of buses, that I just stalked off from the bus stop and decided to walk to Mark's....an hour later, drenched in sweat and smelling like a pile of dirty laundry, I appeared on his doorstep.  My apologies to all the other people there who had to smell me.  (Also, don't tell my mom that I walked an hour in the dark.  Mom, don't read this).  (I promise I was perfectly safe and fine, Mom). (I had to pee the entire time I was walking too and at one point I passed a public restroom in a park, but it was on the other side of the road...and I thought to myself, 'I can't go over there to go to the bathroom, I'll go in there to go potty and then someone will creep up on me to murder me and it's across the road, away from the houses....ain't no body gonna hear my screams for help', so I just passed the bathroom and kept walking). (Also...they say 'toilet' instead of 'bathroom' here). We played some crazy charade game that I didn't want to play...but I ended up playing anyways and it was loads of fun. There was also chocolate.  And gluten free pie that Mark made that was quite tasty.  Mark is also gluten free....like...come on, this is why he's bomb-diggity.  His last name is Jessop annnnd he's gluten free.  We're obviously meant to be besties.  Also, I got a ride home after dessert night, so I didn't have to walk back or catch a bus, which was nice. 

Wednesday was the busiest and most eventful day of my week.  I was busy all morning and then, after chapel, in the afternoon, I grabbed coffee with a lady named Chris who works with the ASC program (she normally works in L.A. but this semester she is in Australia).  We ended up talking for over an hour.  She was so sweet and patient and non-judging with me and I talked too much but she just listened to me and let me talk and share my feelings (anyone who knows me knows....I got a lot of feelings).  It was such a refreshing and encouraging time and I am so thankful for that time and for her.  My heart and spirits were just so much lighter afterwards. Wednesday evening, I went to my service placement (I have to do so many hours of community service while I attend this college) which is located in South Bank. I and two other American study abroad students, Kyle and Paige, are working with an organization called Micah Projects, which works with the homeless and marginalized within Australia.  They have housing for people who were once homeless and struggling and every Wednesday evening, I will be helping serve a meal to tenants in the housing and spending time visiting with them.  This week was my first time and I was rather nervous at first, but I ended up having a lovely time.  This week was low-key because the chef was sick and so we just served pizza. I got to meet a lady by the name of Kate, who is in the fashion industry and currently attending college for fashion design.  I also met this lovely lady named Meg who has been with this housing project since it was built, four years ago.  She told me about this beautiful place on the coast that I need to visit while I'm in Australia and was just as sweet as could be.  I also got to briefly meet a man named Ahmed, who was adorable and reminded me of Tom Hanks in the movie The Terminal. I am very much looking forward to returning to serve these people and get to know them.  I think oftentimes, especially in the States, it can be easy to dehumanize homeless people.  But the fact is, they are just people, like you and me, who have fallen on hard times, whether it be by some bad choices or just a bad hand in life.  They are people, human beings, with stories and lives and hopes and dreams, people who need to be loved yet are often pushed aside and forgotten, ignored, or treated like problems that need to be dealt with.  Wednesday night, spending time with those people, talking with them and eating with them, I was reminded of the importance to fight back against the stigma and attitude that is given towards the poor and homeless.  People deserve to be given love and respect, regardless of their situation in life...I think Jesus made that perfectly clear. 

As one more fun fact before I end this blog post, Australians pronounce my name as Car-a, rather than Care-a.  I've learned to accept it and given up trying to correct them, for the most part...because if they aren't saying Car-a, they say Kierra or some other name that is not, in fact, my name.  So, I just roll with it.  However, I did have someone say, when I corrected them, "Oh, it's Car-a but with an American accent" which I thought was pretty funny.

It is crazy to think I have lived in Australia for two weeks now.  Time seems to be flying by and the semester will be up before I know it.  I haven't done anything super exciting with my two weeks of time here but I have been using that time to get to know the people and build relationships, with my host family and others, and that is what I'm thankful for the most.  I will write another blog post soon, bragging about the wonders of my Aussie family, but for now, I will end this post and go to sleep, as I have to get up early tomorrow morning to go on a trip for a class with the other ASC Study Abroad students.  Peace and blessings, y'all.