I recently had to do a speech for one of my classes. I was originally going to talk about contentment. I had all of my notes together, I had my whole speech typed up....and then a couple of things changed my mind. One, I realized how stupid it was for me to talk to people about contentment....when the entire time I had been working on the speech, I had been anything but content.....I was discontent and upset and stressed and depressed and wanted to quit school and run away to be a homeless hippy on the beach and avoid all my responsibilities. Then, because of the way I was feeling, I was reminded of Lamentations chapter three, which a friend had pointed out to me a few weeks before.
Lamentations was written during or shortly after the fall of Jerusalem and the author, who was probably the prophet Jeremiah, writes a series of laments, these sorrowful songs or poems, as he reflects on the destruction and pain that has afflicted both Jerusalem and himself. After the author lists all of these horrific things that are going on around him and to him in the first couple chapters, he says, in the 3rd chapter, verses 21-24,
“But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I will hope in him.”
He goes on in that chapter to continue to praise the Lord for his greatness and His goodness. It's such a beautiful reminder to me about the hope, promise and knowledge we have that God is still good and faithful even when it doesn't feel like it.
God is still good and He is still faithful, even when it doesn't feel like it.
In the middle of such horrific situations and such horrific circumstances …. in the midst of crying out over the intense sorrow and pain he feels....Jeremiah praises the Lord and speaks of his goodness. He doesn't feel the goodness of God, all he sees is death and pain and destruction and in verse 17, he says “I have forgotten what happiness is”. He doesn't see or feel God's goodness anywhere but only pain....however, he says, "God, even in the midst of this....I know you're still good. I know you are faithful. Your mercies and your love never cease. You are still good and You are still great and I will still praise You".
I look around at the world sometimes and I just feel so discouraged. This world is so broken. There are mothers killing their own babies. There are husbands beating their wives. There are brothers raping their own sisters. Children murdering their parents. There are so many people hurting, so many people in so much pain, physically, mentally, emotionally. I see all the brokenness and pain in this world and my heart just breaks. And sometimes, I just think...God, why? These people, they are all hurting.....there's so much brokenness and pain....I can't see Your goodness. I don't see it God....I know You're good...but I just don't see or feel it when I look at all the pain and brokenness around me. And in some small way, I feel like I can relate with Jeremiah and with this Lament that he writes.
For over four years now, I have struggled with depression and anxiety. And other the years, I have had some pretty low points, some pretty dark days. I have told few people this....but in those dark days I have struggled with self harm and with having suicidal thoughts. I'd be lying right now if I said I don't still struggle with it sometimes. I'd be lying if I said that some days my depression doesn't still slam into me and bring me to my knees, that some days I don't still get overwhelmed by it all and just...not what to exist...not want to live. Because I do still struggle with it. There are still moments...or days....or even weeks or months, when I don't want to deal with life anymore....I just want everything to go away....and I ask myself, why? Why am I here...what am I doing with my life.....why do I even bother? And I have echoed Jeremiah's words, “I have forgotten what happiness is”. But during those times...God has remained faithful. He has walked with me through it all and brought me up out of it every single time. He has been good and faithful....even when I don't feel like He is...even when all I feel is pain. Even when I haven't felt His love and His mercy...He has continued to pour them out on me.
Maybe you can relate to my experiences. Maybe you can't. Maybe you've never struggled with depression or anxiety......and you've never had an issue with self harm...and you've never had suicidal thoughts. That's just not your story. But I know that we all deal with pain. We all are hurting over things. We have all faced...or are facing right now...or will face difficult circumstances and situations that we don't understand.... and they are painful...and it's hard to feel God in the midst of them.
So I wanna encourage you today to take hold of that hope, that assurance, that comfort that we have, resting in the knowledge that God is good and He is faithful no matter how we feel and no matter what the situation is.
My Savior....OUR Savior....who was crucified on a cross, was buried, and then rose from the dead three days later, to take on the brokenness and sin of this world and to save us from our own brokenness and sin.....He is coming back. And when that day comes, He will take away all of our pain, He will take away all of our hurt, He will wipe every tear from our eyes and there will be no more death. And we will see Him face to face and live with Him and His goodness and faithfulness for eternity. That is our hope that we cling to. That is the blessed assurance we have, the promise and comfort we hold on to. That is what keeps us going. That is the answer to my question, 'why do I bother?'. He is good. He is faithful. He is the one thing that is constant in this world. When all else passes away, HE remains. His goodness and faithfulness remains...for all of eternity.
I wrote a speech on this topic in place of my speech on contentment a few weeks ago. A week or two after I gave the speech, I found out that my best friend and her family is moving to Texas. I don't think I can explain how heartbroken I was over this news...how heartbroken that my best friend, who has been a fifteen minute drive away will, in less than a month, be over twenty hours away. She, her husband, and their daughter are like family to me and my heart truly aches so much over this change in life. I have struggled with being so angry over this change and it has been difficult to find the silver lining in the situation.
It is ironic that so shortly after my speech on the topic, I would be faced with a situation where it would be hard to feel and see God's goodness. Yet, still....even in the midst of heartache and pain, I know, without a doubt, that God is still good. Even in the times when I get angry and upset, the times where all I can do is cry out to God, 'why?', the times of confusion, the times when I don't understand why something has to happen or not happen, I know that God is still good and faithful. He is nothing but good. He is good in the times of joy and good in the times of anguish. It is only through His perfect and faithful strength, peace, and comfort that we can get through this broken and painful life. It is the hope of Christ that I cling to, the hope of a day where there will be no more tears, no more death, and no more pain. Without this hope, there would be no point to carrying on throughout this life...it is what gives this life its meaning. It is Christ's faithfulness, His perfect and everlasting strength, peace, comfort, and love that sustains us and upholds us....even when I am angry, even when I cry out and question what I don't understand. I am so grateful that when I struggle through the hard times, when I do cry out in anger because I don't understand and I am hurting, I know that He sustains me, He holds me tight in His arms, He is still nothing but good, even when it doesn't feel like it, and He still loves me. I may not understand God's ways and I may not understand why He allows certain things to happen, but I know He is still good...He is still faithful....regardless of feelings and emotions and situations.
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