About three weeks ago, I had my rheumatologist appointment where I finally was given a diagnosis after ten years of battling chronic pain and fatigue. My rheumatologist looked at and felt my joints and sent me off for blood work and some x-rays. After some miscommunication with my doctor the next few days, I was given the diagnosis of Rheumatoid Arthritis. To finally have a doctor listen to me and to finally get a diagnosis for what I have been going through for so long was so relieving and almost surreal. I have been waiting so long to get some answers and now I finally have some. However, it was also terrifying to be given a diagnosis, especially a diagnosis that is of a degenerative, progressive disease. I have spent the past three weeks processing this diagnosis, wrapping my brain around the implications, both good and bad, that come with it. I was put on a new medication right away that is meant to help with my symptoms and also slow down and hopefully prevent further damage within my body caused by this disease. It has been in the past three days that I have begun to notice a tremendous improvement....something that has brought me to tears, tears of joy flowing from a heart that is so thankful. I feel like a new person, a new me. No, not even a new person, rather an old person....an old me....the me from years ago, before this disease began to take over my life and dictate my life, my every thought, my actions. I have had energy that I have not had in years and the pain has disappeared to a mere whisper. I woke up this morning and I felt like a person. It has been such a long time since I have woken up and felt like that.
This is not to say that I have been cured completely of all my symptoms. There is still a disease raging a war inside of my body, it is simply more under control now. My pain has not disappeared completely but if we're being honest, it is not likely that it ever will. It is however, much more manageable, at least so far. Yesterday was a rather active day for me, as I cleaned for a few hours in the morning before walking around down town with family and friends at a festival of sorts that our town has every year. The amount of walking and activity took a toll on my body and I ended up needing to use my cane to help me out. When I finally went to bed last night, all of my joints seemed to be on fire, especially my knees and I had to ice them. But, even with the activity and the pain and inflammation that the activity induced, I woke up this morning only slightly stiff and sore and with an alertness and energy that has been missing from my life for so long. Normally the mornings are rough, as my body is stiff and sore, and I usually awaken with a sort of fatigue induced brain fog so it has been such a wonderful experience the past few days.
I have a lifelong battle ahead of me as I take on this disease but I have an immense amount of hope and optimism as I look towards the future, a hope and optimism that has been dead for so long, overtaken and choked out by extreme pain and a mummifying exhaustion and fatigue. I have answers and with those answers, I have knowledge. With that knowledge, I have power, power over this disease, power to fight back and take my life back from the clutches of this disease. I now look forward, my head held high, possibly my cane in hand, ready to continue this journey called my life, hand in hand with my biggest supporter and fan, my husband. I am excited, for the first time in a long time, for what the future my hold. Come what may, I feel better prepared, even if my disease does progress and create more pain. I am a warrior and I am ready.
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