For the past week or so, I have been feeling slightly better....which means I still have pain and fatigue and in general feel very unwell, BUT, I am not in as much pain and I am not as fatigued as I was for a while there. I am not sure if it is because the medication I was put on is starting to work or if I am simply in-between flare ups right now. Either way, I am trying to not take it for granted. Yesterday, I was able to accomplish a lot (for me). I made a trip to the dollar store for some things we needed (we really needed a toilet scrubber, okay!) cleaned the bathroom which has been atrocious lately due to my lack of ability to clean consistently, and managed to finally finish the mountain of dishes in the sink! I even decorated my wreath with some fake flowers from the dollar store! Every time I look at it, it makes me smile. Of course, after all of that, I was quite exhausted. However, normally after such tasks, my hands and feet would be extremely inflamed, swollen, and painful. Last night, this was not the case, for which I was quite thankful. As my upcoming appointment with my rheumatologist approaches, I am fearful of what may come but I am trying to remind myself that worrying over worst case scenarios does nothing but rob me of joy, happiness, and peace. Still, I am anxious over how the appointment will go and what the outcome of it will be. I have a few concerns to bring up at the appointment and after so many years of not being listened to by doctors, I am somewhat fearful as to whether this doctor will listen and address my concerns or not. A million 'what if's' play through my mind and I have to remember to shut them up and not let them gain foothold in my thoughts (which I am not always the best at...but I am trying).
I am slowly (very slowly) trying to find joy and happiness in the little things in life. There is such an immense peace in letting go of your stress and anxiety and all the concerns that are swirling around in your mind and simply being. Even ten minutes in the fresh air, admiring my roses and plants can lift my spirits and calm my soul quite a bit. I am slowly trying to implement things into my life that will promote healing in my body and soul. Of course, this is also difficult and stressful due to our current financial situation, but I know my God will provide and my sweet husband and I will persevere. Right now, my focus is on the little things that I can control, such as what I eat and what I think. Food has always been one of my vices. I eat when I am sad, I eat when I am happy, I eat when I am angry. Training myself to have self-control when it comes to food and to keep myself from eating things I know will bring the opposite of healing to my body is hard for me. Extremely hard. If I'm being honest, I am quite addicted to sugar and am well known among friends for my sugar intake, so it is going to be a struggle to cut back on sugar. I also am struggling with not eating gluten. During some of our financial issues this year, I have gone back to eating gluten for convenience and due to money (okay, and I also just really love McChickens, and Whoppers...I admit it). I know that I need to go back to not consuming gluten so that is another aspect of my life that I am trying to tackle and get under control. There are many things about my health that I cannot control but I can control what I eat so I am striving to make good decisions with that.
This post really doesn't have anything of value or knowledge. I simply am sharing where I am at right now in this journey with my health and with life in general. Life is hard but I am hopeful that better days are approaching.
No comments:
Post a Comment