Friday, October 7, 2016

The Australian Outback

There has been so much happening during my time in Australia and yet I struggle to put it all into words.  I will try to catch up this blog as best as possible though. 

A few weekends ago, I traveled to the Australian outback with my ASC class.  It was a wonderful experience and I fell in love with the outback.  Red land, stretching for miles and miles with wide open blue skies = perfection.  I am an earth kind of person....I love land, I love dirt, I love trees, I love the differences in landscapes.  I don't know why but I've always been like that.  The outback is a harsh yet beautiful land and I fell in love with it immediately.  We stayed on a ranch belonging to a sweet lady named Grace and she drove us all out into the bush.  We were all piled into the back of two trucks and it was basically like I was on an African Safari.   There were kangaroos and wallabies hopping by as we cruised along, red dust flying everywhere.  With the wind in my hair and the red dirt staining my face a new shade of orangish red, I was a happy camper.  It was beautiful and peaceful out in the bush.  They have been getting more rain than usual right now, so it was lush and green, as opposed to the usual brown hues colored by frequent drought.  For two of the three nights we were in the outback, I slept on a mattress under the stars, which I would highly reccommend to anyone and everyone because it was such a peaceful and tranquil experience, laying there in the cool night air, gazing at the twinkling stars and the flickering fire until I finally drifted off to sleep.  There was a specific tree on the ranch that made for a lovely perch and I spent a lot of time up in that tree, writing and simply thinking.  Of course, my first encounter with the tree wasn't the best.....I climbed up in it for a bit and then when I went to jump down, my back pocket on my pair of jeans (the one pair I had brought with me for the weekend) caught on a small branch and ripped...resulting in me having a whole in the rear end of my jeans. 

I  got to see a wild Bearded Dragon while in the outback, which made me super happy, because this past summer I've been dreaming of someday owning one.  He was such a fast little guy. I also got to see a herd of wild goats which was interesting.  And I caught a little lizard who was the cutest.  We became friends (actually, I think he was terrified of me but....).  I wish I had lots of pictures but my nice camera broke so I only was able to take pictures on a disposable camera.  However, I'll post a few taken by various other people during the trip. 
My little lizard friend!  He's the cutest!

That dusty face though.

A old bathtub in a rundown and abandoned house on the ranch...note my filthy face...them trucks kick up a lot of dust.

One of the trucks we rode in
Photos all taken by the lovely Shannon Burdick!

Sunday, September 4, 2016

Love is hard... (Thoughts on Love, Grace, and Forgiveness)

God keeps wacking me upside the head, pounding home the importance of forgiveness and grace.  I have realised that I am really bad at it...so He keeps on smacking me in the head (in a gentle ish way, of course), trying to get His point across to me. Apparently I"m a slow learner...you'd think I'd have learned by now that I need to forgive and love people and show His grace to them.  Thankfully, God is a very patient and faithful God and when I fail to show grace, forgiveness, and love, He never does. 

It's easy to be all about love and grace and forgiveness when things are going well.  It's easy to show grace and love and forgiveness to people when they make little mistakes that aren't causing hurt to you or anyone else.  But it's entirely different when suddenly, you are the one being hurt, when the seas get rough, when someone you care about is being hurt by someone else's actions.  I am all about showing love and grace and forgiveness to others....until I get hurt or see those I love getting hurt.  But when that happens, suddenly all the grace and love and forgiveness I claim to hold in my heart evaporates.  Suddenly, it's all about me....I have been betrayed, I've been stabbed in the back, I've been hurt, I've been treated unjustly!  I have rights, you know! I have the right to be angry and upset over this hurt!  I justify my anger with 'rights' and the arrogant assumption that I would never hurt someone like this person has hurt me.  But...this is the whole point of God's love and forgiveness and grace.  He loves us, he forgives us, He shows grace to us, even when we hurt Him and betray Him and crucify Him on a cross.  It is when we are feeling hurt and think that our pain justifies our anger that we need to show grace, love, and forgiveness.  Because that is what grace and love and forgiveness is!  Grace is free and unmerited favour that is bestowed upon those who do not deserve it...grace is unchanging positive regard for someone.  Grace is never deserved.  Grace recognises that all fall short of the glory of God....that there is none who are righteous...and that we are all broken.  Love is summed up in 1 Corinthians 13; love is patient, kind, not envious, boastful, arrogant, or rude, does not insist on its own way, is not irritable or resentful, rejoices not in wrongdoing but rather in truth.  Love bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things and it never ends.  Love does not have to be earned and deserved....love is not conditional.  Love does not cling to 'rights'.  Forgiveness wipes the slate clean, pardoning the wrong, canceling the debt.  Forgiveness lets go of anger and the 'right' to be bitter.  

Grace, love, and forgiveness are wrapped up and intertwined together....you cannot have one without the other two.  In fact, you could say that grace and forgiveness are embedded within love.  Love shows unchanging, never ending positive regard and favour, regardless of what a person does.  Love lets go of our 'rights' and instead shows grace and forgiveness towards those that hurt us and wrong us.  Indeed, it is hard to show true love, grace, and forgiveness without first having people hurt us and wrong us, for it is in the rough seas of pain and hurt that love is made evident.  I am still learning this.  My first response when hurt is to cling to my anger, my hurt, my pride, my 'rights' and justify myself and my lack of grace and forgiveness.  But, that response is not of Christ.  I am learning, slowly and painfully, what it means to truly love others, to truly show grace and forgiveness towards others.  I am all too quick to pridefully decide that I have got it down, that I am all about loving others and showing grace and forgiveness.  But then God asks, "Are you sure, my child?" and allows me to experience hurt caused by another broken human being...and I realise that I haven't really learned how to love yet and I begin to argue with God, clinging to my 'rights'.   Then, gently but firmly, He points to the cross and says, "This is love" and I realise that had He clung to His rights as God, I would be in hell, separated from God, I would have no hope, and I would not have His sweet salvation.  In light of that, how dare I cling to my rights and not show love, grace, and forgiveness upon those around me?

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Treasured moments in the Land Down Under

While the last few weeks have found me extremely homesick and coping with elements of  'culture shock', there has still been rays of light and joy found within each and every day.  Every day reminds me of how blessed I am to have been placed with the host family that I am with for this semester.  Each day, there are moments that warm my heart and causes me to smile with thankfulness.  Moments such as curling up in the living room while my host mom reads out loud from her poetry boo and watching the Olympics every evening with my host family and exchanging teasing banter with my host brother about Michael Phelps; moments such as spending almost every evening watching Top Gear with my family and sitting in the kitchen talking with my host mum as she cooks dinner; moments such as evening walks with the family and Jack the dog and afternoons spent with friends at a coffee shop, drinking Chai tea and laughing together; moments such as days spent exploring the city with a friend and evenings spent watching rugby games.



Today, I sat in the kitchen while my Aussie mum cooked dinner and explained to me the game of Cricket (which, let me just say, is a complicated game.  Like...blimey! And as a side note, this weekend, I will get to go to Carter's (my host brother) championship Cricket game, which I'm looking forward to!). We then proceeded to discuss differences between American and Australian culture.  The other day, I raided her library and borrowed one of her books.  Last Friday night, we all watched a movie together as a family.  There are no words to explain how grateful I am for my Aussie family and for the sweet moments I get to have and experience with them.  Each member of the family is extraordinary in their own way.  I have been struggling each day with different things but each day has had moments that I treasure, with friends and with family. 

Saturday, August 20, 2016

The Nitty Gritty Parts....

I know I've been raving about Australia.  But this post is not about the splendors of Australia.  This is a post about the nitty gritty things that people don't like to talk about.  This isn't a post complaining about Australia, for my heart is still very much in love with this country and the city of Brisbane.  This is, however, a post about the the less sunny aspects of my time here in the Land of Oz.

This is a post telling the world that I have spent this entire past week in a cloud of darkness.  I am overwhelmed with homesickness.  I do not miss my country of America.  I do not miss anything about America.  What I do miss is my family and my friends. A few weekends ago, I had a long phone call with my friend Rachel back home.  After our conversation ended, I spiraled into a pit of homesickness and spent the afternoon feverishly cleaning the house, trying to take my mind off of my sadness.  I avoid long, in depth phone calls and video chats with my family back home because each time we talk and I see them, the ache inside my chest grows.  When my four year old baby sister asks me when I'm coming home and says she misses me, it kills me and I feel my heart falling out of my chest.  She learned how to ride her bike while I've been away..and I haven't been there to watch her and celebrate the achievement with her. My older brother and youngest brother both celebrated their birthdays this month...and I wasn't there to join in the celebration.  My sister starts a new semester of school this month...and I am not there to cheer her on.  I miss all of my friends back home... I love my host family and I love all the other ASC students and consider them all friends.....but it is not the same.  That is partly my fault, because I am terrible at making friends.  However, it is difficult for me because I miss the deep relationships that I have built back home.  And some days, I just miss having friends in general....I miss having people to hang out with all the time.  Despite having wonderful people around me, I often feel quite lonely.  It doesn't help that physical touch is my love language and without physical contact with people, I literally will feel physically ill.  I can't explain it, all I know is that I need physical contact with people and when I go long periods without, I struggle.  Not having close relationships here in Australia, physical contact is not really a thing....and so the dark cloud grows.

I have been fighting back, attempting to combat this dark cloud and keep from going under completely by staying somewhat busy.  But it is not always easy....and this weekend has pushed me to my limits. People don't like to talk about the nitty gritty things.  They don't like to talk about how they spent their day off of school, laying in bed, stuffing their face with food, candy, and ice cream, watching Netflix, and crying.....all. day. long.  They don't like to talk about how they spent the majority of their weekend laying in bed like a smelly whale, mulling around in their misery.  They don't like to talk about how they spent their Sunday in bed, sobbing like a child, pacing around their room, trying to figure out how to run away from it all.  But that is my reality this weekend.  The Nitty Gritty of life is a reality...for everyone.  (I must say, I've gone through a lot of movies on Australian Netflix this month....and I've probably come close to overdosing on tea).  I wish that life would only throw one heartache at me at a time...but I feel like I'm drowning in various heartbreaks all at the same time right now.  On top of my homesickness and loneliness and managing my depression and learning overwhelmingly painful history of Australia and people in Australia....the heartache of betrayal and drama back home came rolling into me today.  I have cried harder today than I have in a long time, which was probably due to a combination of all these emotions that have been swirling around inside of me all week.  But today's news was the final blow....and it was a mighty painful blow.  I am tired.  My heart is shattered.  And I honestly don't know how to go on anymore.  I know that God is working in the midst of this....and I know He is walking with me through this....but right now, all I feel is hurt.  I'm an emotional basketcase.  My heart is aching and I don't know what the point is of trying anymore.  That is the reality of where I am at right now.  That is the nitty gritty of my life right now.  But that's okay, because that is life.

Do I still love Australia?  Yes.  My heart is attached and probably always will be to this beautiful country and the people who live here.  But, currently, I don't want to be here....I am ready to run away from this place....but to where, I don't know.  The nitty gritty parts of life don't go away while you are trying to enjoy a new and exciting place.  No, life doesn't wait for you to get back on your feet...life doesn't wait on you.  So right now, I am on the ground, in the fetal position.  Right now, I'm in a dark cloud.  Right now, I am hurting.  But...deep down, I know that it won't be like this for forever.  Deep down, I know that God is there.  That is what keeps me going right now....and eventually I'll slowly raise my head up from off the ground and slowly rise onto my hands and feet.  And then I'll keep crawling forward until I can stand back up.  And when I can finally stand back up, I'll keep walking forward with my head held high....because God heals and restores broken vessels and He makes beautiful things out of broken people and He is forever faithful to His people.

I'm just not there yet... 

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Life in the land of Oz

 If there's one thing Australia has taught me in the past two weeks, it's how horribly out of shape I am.  There's a lot more walking that takes place in Australia.  If I don't return to the States with a trim and fit body, I will be quite displeased...I don't wanna puff up these hills here in the land down under for nothing!

The past two weeks have made it clear to me that I was born to be an Aussie.  I think the stork made a mistake when he dropped me off in the states.  Okay, probably not, because let's be honest, I also am very much in love with California.  But, Australia is amazing and I'm in love.   Last weekend, I explored South Bank with some lovely friends, got to experience a noodle festival that was going on there, and got to see some amazing and beautiful sights.  The city of Brisbane at night is breathtaking. I also got to attend a BBQ with my host family with some of their family friends last weekend which I thoroughly enjoyed.  The family friends had a two year old daughter, so I was instantly at ease.  Children can instantly take away any sadness or discomfort or awkwardness for me...they just make my heart so happy and light.  I'm not gonna lie, when her mum took her to put her to bed, I was rather sad.  I loved talking with all the adults after the little one went to bed though and simply listening and learning more about Australia.  Fun fact, Australia doesn't have a tipping system like in the States...and waitresses and waiters make good money here.  I also learned all sorts of other great things but I can't tell because I was told what happened and what was discussed in that house, stayed in that house.  ;) But I can tell you that they are fun and great people.  The rest of my weekend was rather chill.  I watched movies, did homework (okay, that's a lie, I didn't really do much homework...) and hung out around the house.  I went to church with my Aussie mum and brother on Sunday morning which I thoroughly enjoyed. 




This Farris Wheel is in South Bank.  It's really big and awesome.
Tuesday evening, I went with a group of other ASC Study Abroad students to Mark's house for dessert night.  Mark is the Student Services Coordinator at Christian Heritage College and works with the ASC study abroad program.  He's also pretty bomb-diggity.  His last name is also Jessop which is pretty much basically the same name as my college back in the States (William Jessup University, woot, woot, represent!) so, that makes him ten times cooler.  Anyways, I digress.  Dessert night was lots of fun.  I had a bit of trouble with catching the public transportation bus to his house....meaning I missed it.  The buses are the only complaint I have about Australia...and that's just because I haven't quite mastered them yet, although I'm getting better.  Anyways, I missed the bus and was so annoyed and didn't want to deal with buses cause I hate them and was so frustrated, mainly with myself and my incompetency to get the hang of buses, that I just stalked off from the bus stop and decided to walk to Mark's....an hour later, drenched in sweat and smelling like a pile of dirty laundry, I appeared on his doorstep.  My apologies to all the other people there who had to smell me.  (Also, don't tell my mom that I walked an hour in the dark.  Mom, don't read this).  (I promise I was perfectly safe and fine, Mom). (I had to pee the entire time I was walking too and at one point I passed a public restroom in a park, but it was on the other side of the road...and I thought to myself, 'I can't go over there to go to the bathroom, I'll go in there to go potty and then someone will creep up on me to murder me and it's across the road, away from the houses....ain't no body gonna hear my screams for help', so I just passed the bathroom and kept walking). (Also...they say 'toilet' instead of 'bathroom' here). We played some crazy charade game that I didn't want to play...but I ended up playing anyways and it was loads of fun. There was also chocolate.  And gluten free pie that Mark made that was quite tasty.  Mark is also gluten free....like...come on, this is why he's bomb-diggity.  His last name is Jessop annnnd he's gluten free.  We're obviously meant to be besties.  Also, I got a ride home after dessert night, so I didn't have to walk back or catch a bus, which was nice. 

Wednesday was the busiest and most eventful day of my week.  I was busy all morning and then, after chapel, in the afternoon, I grabbed coffee with a lady named Chris who works with the ASC program (she normally works in L.A. but this semester she is in Australia).  We ended up talking for over an hour.  She was so sweet and patient and non-judging with me and I talked too much but she just listened to me and let me talk and share my feelings (anyone who knows me knows....I got a lot of feelings).  It was such a refreshing and encouraging time and I am so thankful for that time and for her.  My heart and spirits were just so much lighter afterwards. Wednesday evening, I went to my service placement (I have to do so many hours of community service while I attend this college) which is located in South Bank. I and two other American study abroad students, Kyle and Paige, are working with an organization called Micah Projects, which works with the homeless and marginalized within Australia.  They have housing for people who were once homeless and struggling and every Wednesday evening, I will be helping serve a meal to tenants in the housing and spending time visiting with them.  This week was my first time and I was rather nervous at first, but I ended up having a lovely time.  This week was low-key because the chef was sick and so we just served pizza. I got to meet a lady by the name of Kate, who is in the fashion industry and currently attending college for fashion design.  I also met this lovely lady named Meg who has been with this housing project since it was built, four years ago.  She told me about this beautiful place on the coast that I need to visit while I'm in Australia and was just as sweet as could be.  I also got to briefly meet a man named Ahmed, who was adorable and reminded me of Tom Hanks in the movie The Terminal. I am very much looking forward to returning to serve these people and get to know them.  I think oftentimes, especially in the States, it can be easy to dehumanize homeless people.  But the fact is, they are just people, like you and me, who have fallen on hard times, whether it be by some bad choices or just a bad hand in life.  They are people, human beings, with stories and lives and hopes and dreams, people who need to be loved yet are often pushed aside and forgotten, ignored, or treated like problems that need to be dealt with.  Wednesday night, spending time with those people, talking with them and eating with them, I was reminded of the importance to fight back against the stigma and attitude that is given towards the poor and homeless.  People deserve to be given love and respect, regardless of their situation in life...I think Jesus made that perfectly clear. 

As one more fun fact before I end this blog post, Australians pronounce my name as Car-a, rather than Care-a.  I've learned to accept it and given up trying to correct them, for the most part...because if they aren't saying Car-a, they say Kierra or some other name that is not, in fact, my name.  So, I just roll with it.  However, I did have someone say, when I corrected them, "Oh, it's Car-a but with an American accent" which I thought was pretty funny.

It is crazy to think I have lived in Australia for two weeks now.  Time seems to be flying by and the semester will be up before I know it.  I haven't done anything super exciting with my two weeks of time here but I have been using that time to get to know the people and build relationships, with my host family and others, and that is what I'm thankful for the most.  I will write another blog post soon, bragging about the wonders of my Aussie family, but for now, I will end this post and go to sleep, as I have to get up early tomorrow morning to go on a trip for a class with the other ASC Study Abroad students.  Peace and blessings, y'all.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

First day of class.....


Aside from this....golden moment in my day.... it actually was a very lovely day. I'm excited about the class, it seems interesting and similar to a class I took last semester at William Jessup. I walked thirty minutes to class and I didn't get lost and it was a pleasant walk. I watched the sunset until it completely faded from the sky. The sunrises and sunsets are absolutely beautiful here. I think I'm going to love my time spent at Christian Heritage College.


Monday, July 25, 2016

Ramblings...


My phone decided to stop recording as the end so it cuts off but...I wasn't saying anything important anyways...